So when I started this blog a couple of years ago I thought “what a great outlet to be able to share and support”. Well I did not factor in that the level of sheer exhaustion of the fibro would make any attempts that much more difficult… try to get the motivation to even think seemed (and still does) daunting. But recent changes may make this endeavour much more fulfilling instead of inducing anxiety!!
I am now sitting here.. off work for a bit wondering if this is just how it’s gonna be moving forward. The Fibro has me beyond exhausted… chest pain from the anxiety and bordering on panic attack. The osteoarthritis has been kicking my butt (literally) for the last 3-4 months… lower back is a sold brick of pain and entire spine hurts when I am upright.
Right now, I can no longer muster what I need to to work through everything and be able to contribute consistently at work. So what does that mean now? My family doctor is supportive of how things are panning out and has provided me with time off work but it does not help that I feel guilty as I feel like I am letting people down, not finishing what I started and leaving things hanging. Working hard to remember that I need to be able to care for myself before I can care for others.
5 years ago I would be standing strong.. 3 years ago hard to overcome.. now just so worn out and defeated with my own treacherous body that on some days I cannot keep up the fight.
So what’s next? Honestly not sure!! I have never taken more than a few days off work.. I am anxious about figuring out if/how I will be managing on less income…what paperwork do I need to do? What support do I need or might I need as I work through this transition. But will be working on this blog as a form of engaging what does still work, my brain (most days).
So let’s try this again… let’s show off that “Can do” attitude…
The Fibro Vagabond 